...and yet I know that long ago

you made a fairy tale for me

About the day when you would take your sword
and battle through the thicket of the things I have become.

Your kiss to life…my Sleeping Beauty
waiting for her Prince to come.

Then I will wake
and look into your eyes
and understand.
And for the first time
I will not be dumb
and I shall
say my creed
in words.

Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise, ye dumb,
Your loosened tongues employ;
Ye blind, behold your Savior come,
And leap, ye lame, for joy.

I started to cry when I pictured her singing those words.

Now, when we’re driving around, Willy is always asking for “Over A Hundred Thousand Tongues” and gets really upset when I sing along.

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The annoying parenthetical inserts are mine.

“If you are any good at all with words—if you are any good at all as an actor, with an actor’s power to move people, to fascinate people, to move them sometimes even to tears—you have to be so careful not to make it just a performance, however powerful. You have to remember that it is not what you are saying [and/or singing] that it is important for them to believe in, but only God. You have to remember how Jesus consigned to the depths of the sea those who cause any who believe in him to sin and how one sin you might easily cause them is to believe in yourself instead…

Though I never dared step into the pulpit without everything, including the Lord’s Prayer and the announcements, fully written out in front of me, I learned to be free enough of my manuscript to be able to read it without appearing to do so. I put on the best performance I could, in other words, and preached with all the eloquence I could muster, not only to them, of course, but also to myself because much of what preachers [worship leaders] say they say always to themselves, to keep their own spirits up, to answer their own souls’ questions…

There were times when I flet that something better and truer than my words was speaking through my words. There were times when I felt they were only words. There were times when the words seemed to fall dead from my lips and other times when I could see only too clearly how effective they were being. And maybe I entirely misjudged which time was which. I don’t know. I know only that Barth is surely right when he says that no one risks the wrath of God more perilously than the minister in the pulpit [worship leader?], and yet at the same time I know that, as a minister [worship leader], there are few places I would rather be. The excitement and challenge of it. The chance that something better than what you are can happen, that something m ore than you know can be spoken and heard.”

About half way through my Deluxe Chicken Sandwich she so sneakily treated me to, (the old “Can-you-watch-our-table-while-I-order?” trick) I asked her about it. “You know, back at the pool, what you said.,.. did you just make that up, or is that an expression I just haven’t heard before?” “Yeah, I made it up, I guess. You know, it’s kind of like ‘love is not efficient’. You know that one?” I didn’t.

I am the product of our Instant Society where pragmatism runs rampant and efficiency is revered. When I was younger, I remember being told to be more practical. I got better at it, and now I even pride myself on it. Yikes!! Efficiency was lauded in our home, partly because we are a big family, my parents come from big families and it was necessary at times. I can see how these are good values in running a business or even a household, but they become dangerous when they start to creep into my personal life. I am starting to realize that these things are harmful to my faith, my worship and my relationship to others. My faith should be “a long obedience in the same direction” (thanks, Eugene). My worship should be “a royal ‘waste’ of time” (thanks, Marva). And my relationships should be anything but efficient (thanks, Katie!). It’s just not how real love works. Sometimes, love… and friendship mean backtracking just to spend a few more minutes together in the car.

“The biggest spiritual problem of our time is efficiency, work, pragmatism; by the time we keep the planet running there is little time and energy for anything else.”
Thomas Merton

By the way, “Love is not efficient” is a quote by Derek Webb in his compelling article called The Struggle to Love originally published by Relevant Magazine.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!” C.S. Lewis